sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
