so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
