the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
