how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize