woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We left the knife in your bed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
