she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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