please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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