Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They took my balls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Come on in and take your pants off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
