Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
