When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
