I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
