guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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