The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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