Kiss
Puke
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
