College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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