too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
