I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
