this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
