Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
