i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
