I don't usually arrange sex via text message
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
