I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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