so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
