i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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