Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
