dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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