you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
