He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize