so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
