I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
