i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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