I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were destined to go to rehab together
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
