i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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