I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
