He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
