Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
