I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
