dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
