it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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