dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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