He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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