I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
