The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
