Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
