This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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