I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
