Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
