Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You left your phone here
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