Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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