I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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