She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
