oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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