I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize