I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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