I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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