also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
