Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
