She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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