I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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