Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
