i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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