His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
