It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
