So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
