Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
