I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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