i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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