i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
